She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
