two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
