3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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