He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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