So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize