he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need a beard to bite.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
