areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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