are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize