Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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