Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
