Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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