i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
