the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
