cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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