I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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