The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
