he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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