ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
