My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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