Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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