Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who died my cat blue again?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
