I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
