Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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