glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
