I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
