So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
