I'm really into asian looking animals
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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