drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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