found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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