can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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