I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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