i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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