Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
