we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
