I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
