I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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