A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize