so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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