someone threw a dead crab at me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
