I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize