It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
