MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
