coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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