did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
