I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
