i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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