just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
