Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize