Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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