Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
