so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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