Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize