What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She bit a glass in half.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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