I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
