is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
