I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
