I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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