yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
