I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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