Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
