I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
