did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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