He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
