Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
