so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
