..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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