well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
