I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
