I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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