I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
