i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
