i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize